So here is a strange case. I went to the dentist today, and I hate going to the dentist. No thats a lie, I dont hate dentists, its a necessary evil- and they rid you of dental pain, so they are quite godly actually! It was just a check-up and clean, but I get quite…
So today is Saturday, the 19th of September. I have got a dreadful back-to-school bug which is living in my throat and chest, and my whole head has just been completely screwed this past week. I have had a severe lack of sleep because the sore throat has kept me awake, no matter what medication…
(From recording) So, what is this? Sunday, whatever of June, possibly. I have been cleaning for a while, I guess. It’s Father’s Day in the real world. I’m like one of those Traveller women who spend their lives fucking cleaning. Could do with a few of them around here. The state of this house when…
A cup of tea and a diazepam. This is what is going to get me through today. I’ve been like this since Wednesday. Daniel went back to school yesterday, and it triggered the reality of it. The awfulness. I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t remember how he laughed, and…
In some ways, I cannot believe it has been over 100 days since Darren passed. Daniel is back at school tomorrow, and today both of us were pretty shaky. I think it was me who set him off because he found me crying. I could not stop thinking about the fact that, on Daniel’s first…
(transcribed from a drunk ramble) We truly loved each other. We loved each other as people. People say, “I love you,” but with us, it was because we were a team. We were never going to do anything against each other, no matter what. With Daniel, we were a trio. We were tight as fuck….
I touched his body in that bathroom. I use the word ‘body,’ but I wasn’t saying that he was a body, that he was dead. I was literally hoping that maybe he was unconscious in some kind of way. When I touched him, he felt coolish but not cold. It wasn’t like my mother when…
I’m dealing with the death of my husband nearly four weeks ago and my son’s out, so I can’t, I don’t feel like reading, I don’t feel like watching anything. I just don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t know what I feel. I took a diazepam because I was starting to stress a wee…
Just going through my notes and scribbles, this is from Friday, the 19th of June. Note: When I recorded this, I did not yet have Darren’s post-mortem report. I was searching backwards through every cough, every twitch, any health issues (he had none), trying to work out whether I had missed something. Daniel’s on his…
Just walking down the street and I realised that I’m on my own. That my best friend, the one I had and grew up with, Darren, is gone. Gone. I mean, really, really gone. There is no coming back. And I feel like I’m on my own. I mean, it’s not that I really want…