The First Week After Someone Dies

The week of Darren’s death is pretty much a blur to me. I only really started to record myself after a week as I spent the first week getting his celebration and cremation sorted. As well as this, Daniel and I were trying to understand what had happened in our lives.

Need the Checklist Now?

You shouldn’t have to wade through lots of information to find it. Use the quick links below to download the checklist now.

Our whole world had been blown apart, but somehow there was suddenly a growing list of things that suddenly needed my attention. So not only are you dealing with grief and trauma, you are suddenly overwhelmed with things to do.

You Don’t Have to Sort Everything This Week

This is probably the most important thing about this checklist. You don’t need to have the banks sorted, pensions found, belongings dealt with, accounts closed and the rest of your life organised by Sunday night. Some things may need dealt with quite quickly but many don’t.

When somebody dies, it isn’t only the huge things that change. There are all the ordinary things they did that you probably never even thought about because they just did them (or you managed to get them to do). Write them down and leave them there.

There May Be a Funeral to Organise

For us, a lot of those first few days revolved around Darren’s celebration. We had to find a funeral director, decide what kind of funeral we wanted, arrange the Humanist celebration, choose music, find photographs, work with our celebrant and arrange the cremation.

But if you are arranging a funeral, it can very quickly consume whatever brainpower you have left. You can easily find that you have so many things going on in your head, that you barely sleep. During the week of Darren’s death, some nights I was managing only one and a half hours of sleep. My brain was working ten to the dozen; thinking what I needed for the celebration and just thinking about what happened.

Start Writing Everything Down

One of the most useful things I did was find a cheap notebook and start writing things down. Who I’d phoned. What they’d said. Numbers. Names. Things I needed to remember. Don’t rely on your brain. Your brain has quite enough going on.

Let Other People Do Things

People may be asking: “Is there anything I can do?” Give them something. Food. Shopping. Walking the dog. Telling people the funeral arrangements. Collecting photographs. Making tea. Driving somewhere.

For Darren’s celebration, friends and family sorted food, milk, biscuits and all the practical bits. If it had been left to me, there probably wouldn’t have been tea or coffee or anything. And I didn’t realise how many people would turn up. My friends and Darrens aunts did and they all rallied round to help me sort out refreshments for the bit after the celebration.

And Normal Life Is Still Sitting There

This was one of the strangest things. Your world has completely changed, but the dog still needs walked. The pets need fed. Children need you. Prescriptions need collected. You need clean clothes. The bins still need put out. You also need to eat something and drink something yourself. Not exactly profound grief advice, but unfortunately life doesn’t stop doing ordinary things just because something completely extraordinary has happened to you.

The First Week After Someone Dies Checklist

I’ve created this free printable checklist as somewhere to look when you’re wondering:

It covers:

• Looking after yourself and the people closest to you
• Funeral arrangements
• Who may need told
• Starting a bereavement notebook
• Important things you might need to find
• Keeping phones, emails and digital accounts intact
• Jobs you can give to other people
• Children, pets and ordinary household stuff
• Funeral costs and immediate money matters
• Things that can wait

This Isn’t a Seven-Day Deadline

If you reach the end of the first week and half of this hasn’t been done, that’s ok. Some things will take weeks. Some will take months. Some won’t apply to you at all. Some may be still on the to-do list.

Take it day by day. Or hour by hour if that’s what you need to do.

Download the First Week Someone Dies Worksheet

Print the worksheet

This checklist is based partly on my own experience of the first week after Darren died suddenly. It is a practical prompt rather than a complete legal or administrative checklist. What needs to happen and when will depend on your circumstances and where you live. Follow any specific instructions or deadlines you are given.

What Do You Need Next?

If you aren’t sure which practical guide you need, return to the main starting page and choose the section that sounds closest to where you are now. → What to Do When Someone Dies in Northern Ireland

If what you need now is support rather than another task, you can also search the Northern Ireland directory for grief, family, crisis and practical support. → Northern Ireland Grief and Bereavement Support Directory