The Things They Normally Did

When somebody dies, it isn’t only the huge things that change. There are all the ordinary things they did that you probably never even thought about because they just did them (or you managed to get them to do).

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They might have dealt with the car (I don’t drive and know zero about cars), known when the boiler needed serviced, paid a particular bill, cut the grass, bought the pet food, remembered appointments or known who to phone when something broke. Then suddenly they’re not there.

They Always Did That

There were things I always did and things Darren always did. For example, our car. Darren and I were not ‘car people’. I don’t drive due to a medical condition and Darren only learned to drive because he felt he had to; city living means driving a car may not be necessary. So who dealt with MOTS, insurance, etc? Darren of course. And now that has suddenly been added to my to-do list.

You Don’t Have to Suddenly Know Everything

Just because they did something doesn’t mean you now magically know how to do it. And it doesn’t mean you have to learn how to do absolutely everything yourself. For me, I was told I should get the car passed the MOT. Where do you begin when you don’t drive? I asked on Reddit and someone suggested a garage that would take the car and sort it all out for me, returning the car. And they did and I was so grateful.

Sometimes the answer isn’t I need to learn how to do this, it can be a case of finding someone to take the load off you.

The Things They Normally Did Worksheet

I’ve created this printable worksheet as somewhere to start keeping track of all those ordinary things.

It covers things like:

• The house and maintenance
• Bills and household money
• The car
• Children and family routines
• Pets
• Technology and accounts
• The garden
• Shopping and everyday jobs
• Things you don’t know how to do
• Things you don’t know where they kept
• People who might be able to help

You won’t remember everything at once.

In fact, some things probably won’t occur to you until weeks or months later when something happens and you suddenly realise they were the person who normally dealt with it. Add it when you remember it.

Download The Things They Normally Did Worksheet

A free printable worksheet to help you keep track of the everyday jobs, accounts, routines and practical things the person who died normally dealt with.

This resource comes from my own experience of how all the ordinary parts of life continue after somebody dies. It isn’t a list of things you have to deal with immediately. Use the bits that are useful, add your own as you remember them and ask for help with the things you don’t know how to do.

Related Guidance

If some of these jobs could be handed over to friends or family, What Can Other People Do for Me? may help.

If the growing list makes everything feel urgent, What Can Wait? can help separate what needs attention now from what can be left until another day.