Funeral Costs: Questions Before I Agree

When Darren died, one of the things I was very conscious of was that I didn’t want to start spending money unnecessarily. One of our wages had suddenly disappeared. At the same time, I was sitting with a funeral director being asked to make decisions about things I had never bought before and had absolutely no idea what they should cost.

Coffins. Cars. Flowers. Funeral notices. Cremation fees. Celebrants. All these things you probably haven’t given a second’s thought to before. They all add up, so the last thing you need is to be paying for things you don’t really need.

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You shouldn’t have to wade through lots of information to find it. Use the quick links below to download the checklist now.

You Don’t Have to Choose the Expensive Option

The coffin was probably the thing that felt strangest to me. Darren was going to be cremated, so there was something slightly surreal about looking at different coffin options and prices when, ultimately, it was going to be burned.

One of the strangest things was that, certainly with the funeral director we used, the cheapest option available was a full wooden coffin. Honestly, if Darren had been given the choice, he would have gone in a reinforced cardboard box. Neither of us could ever get our heads around the fact that people pay so much for a coffin. When it is for a cremation, it can feel like a complete waste of money.

Anyway, we didn’t have the cardboard option with the funeral director we used. Again, who has the time or the headspace at that point to find out which funeral directors offer what? So we went for the basic option.

That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with spending more on something that is important to you. If you want particular flowers, a particular coffin, cars or anything else, that is entirely your decision.

Ask the Questions

How much does that cost?

Is that included?

Is that optional?

Is there a cheaper alternative?

Do I actually need that?

You’re not being difficult. You are making financial decisions at probably one of the worst points in your life, and you are entitled to understand them before you agree to anything.

As my husband’s dear aunt said to me, Do not let them rip you off with lots of additional little things that neither you nor Darren would ever have wanted.

The Funeral Costs Worksheet

I’ve created this printable worksheet to give you somewhere to write everything down before agreeing to funeral costs.

It includes space to look at:

• Funeral director’s fees
• Coffin options and prices
• Burial or cremation costs
• Celebrant or clergy costs
• Venue and ceremony costs
• Hearses and additional cars
• Flowers and funeral notices
• Refreshments and other extras
• What is included and what is optional
• Money or funeral plans that may already be available
• Deposits and payment dates
• Your estimated total funeral cost

Spending More Doesn’t Mean You Loved Them More

This is probably the main thing I would want somebody to take from this. You don’t have to spend money because you think it is expected. I very much believe that if you are paying, it is your business. You don’t have to choose a more expensive coffin because the basic one somehow doesn’t seem enough, or because you think relatives might expect it, unless they want to pay for it themselves.

Choose the things that matter to you and to the person who died.

Download the Funeral Costs: Questions Before I Agree Worksheet

A free printable worksheet to help you record funeral costs, compare options and ask what is included, necessary or optional before you agree.

This resource is based on my own experience of arranging Darren’s funeral. Funeral costs and what is included will vary between funeral directors and individual arrangements, so ask for current prices and a written estimate where possible.

Related Guidance

If you are also trying to work out the other decisions involved, return to Planning a Funeral When You Haven’t a Clue What You’re Doing.

For the other practical things that may need attention around this time, see The First Week After Someone Dies.