My Bereavement Notebook

One of the best things I did after Darren died was probably one of the simplest: I found a notebook. Actually, it wasn’t even a proper notebook. It was a cheap art pad that must have been lying around the house, but I started using it to write everything down.

Need the Checklist Now?

You shouldn’t have to wade through lots of information to find it. Use the quick links below to download the checklist now.

There was just so much going on. People were phoning me. I was phoning people. Somebody would give me a reference number, somebody else would tell me something I needed to do, and then there would be something I had to remember to follow up the next week. There was absolutely no way my head was going to hold all of that.

Write Everything Down

That would genuinely be one of my biggest pieces of practical advice after somebody dies. Your brain has quite enough to deal with. Write down who you spoke to. Write down their name and phone number. Write down what they told you. Write down the reference number because somebody will undoubtedly ask you for it again. Most importantly, write down what you’re supposed to do next.

It doesn’t need to be organised beautifully. Mine certainly wasn’t. It just needs to get all that information out of your head and put it somewhere you can find it again.

How to Use the Bereavement Notebook

My advice is to get an ordinary folder and a packet of clear punched pockets. Keep the printed pages together and add any letters, notes or documents you may need to refer to again. Every page can be printed as many times as you need. You might want one copy of some pages and ten copies of the page for recording phone calls and conversations.

Remember to date everything. A few weeks later, you may need to check when you contacted an organisation, who you spoke to or when you were told something would happen. You don’t have to complete the whole notebook. Print the pages you need and ignore the ones that aren’t useful to you.

What’s in My Bereavement Notebook?

I’ve turned what helped me into a simple printable workbook you can scribble all over.

It includes:

• What Actually Needs Done Next: Space to identify the few things that genuinely need your attention now.
• Important Contacts: Keep the names and contact details of the people and organisations you are dealing with most often.
• Who Did I Speak To?: Record important phone calls, emails, appointments and conversations.
• Things I Need to Do: A dumping ground for anything that comes into your head.
• Things I’m Waiting For: Keep track of what you are waiting for, who it is coming from and when you may need to chase it.
• Numbers, Codes and References: Somewhere for all those random numbers people suddenly expect you to remember.
• Questions I Need to Ask: Write questions down when you think of them, even if nobody is available to answer them yet.
• Things I Suddenly Remember: For all the things that occur to you in bed, in the shower, while walking the dog or in the middle of doing something completely unrelated.

There is deliberately nothing complicated about it. It’s your notebook. Use it to get things out of your head. Deal with what actually needs to be dealt with today. The rest can sit there until you’re ready for it.

Download My Bereavement Notebook

A free printable workbook for keeping contacts, conversations, reference numbers, follow-up dates, questions and all the other practical stuff in one place.

This resource is based on what helped me after my husband Darren died suddenly. It isn’t legal or financial advice. It is simply a practical way of recording information and keeping track of things when there is far too much going on. Use whatever parts are useful to you.

Related Guidance

For help keeping track of the people and organisations you have contacted, see Who Needs to Know Someone Has Died?.

For a broader look at what may need attention during those first few days, see The First Week After Someone Dies.