Who Needs to Know Someone Has Died?
When Darren passed, there were suddenly an awful lot of people who needed to be told. And the last thing you have energy for is to tell people awful news you don’t believe yourself. Within the first few hours, you will no doubt have told close family and friends. That news then grows a life of its own as people pass the information on to others. Expect messages, phone calls and emails to come your way in quite rapid succession.
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As well as organising things in relation to the funeral, there is another plethora of organisations and companies that you will need to contact, from work, banks, pension providers and insurance companies to government departments. Then there are all the smaller things you don’t even think about until they pop into your head. And when your brain is already completely screwed, it can feel like another enormous list of things you have to deal with.
Day One: Start With Who Actually Needs to Know
Some people obviously need to know quite quickly: immediate family, close friends, doctors and perhaps their employer or your child’s school. I don’t remember when I contacted Darren’s employer, but it must have been sometime between day two and day three.
Outside of that, the others can wait. Write them down and come back to them when things have calmed down.
You Don’t Have to Tell Everyone Yourself
This is also one of the jobs you can give away. Having to tell people repeatedly that somebody you love has died can be exhausting. You don’t have to personally phone every relative, friend or work colleague. I think one of the good things about our community culture is that news of deaths spreads like wildfire here. It is surprising how quickly news like this can get out.
If required, ask somebody you trust to contact people for you, pass on funeral arrangements or update others about what is happening. I set up a WhatsApp group so that I could inform everyone at once rather than going through everyone individually. If you need other practical jobs that can be handed over to friends and family, What Can Other People Do for Me? may help.
Write Everything Down
One thing I learned very quickly after Darren died was to write everything down. Once you start contacting organisations, you end up with names, dates, phone numbers, reference numbers and things somebody has told you to do next. Don’t rely on your brain to remember any of it. I still look over this information to make sure I have done what I was meant to do and haven’t just written it down.
Who Needs to Know Someone Has Died? Worksheet
I’ve created this free printable worksheet to give you somewhere to start.
It includes space for:
- People who may need to know now
- Organisations that may need to be told soon
- Things that can usually wait
- Keeping track of who you’ve contacted
- Reference and case numbers
- What you’ve been told and what happens next
- Follow-up dates
- People who can contact others for you
Download the Who Needs to Know Someone Has Died Worksheet
This isn’t a definitive list of everybody you have to notify. Everyone’s circumstances will be different. It’s simply somewhere to get all this stuff down in one place.
This is a practical resource based partly on my own experience after Darren died. It isn’t a legal or administrative notification list. Who needs to be told and when will depend on individual circumstances, so follow any specific instructions or deadlines you are given.
Related Guidance
For a broader look at what may need attention, and what can wait, during those first few days, see The First Week After Someone Dies.