Day One of a Sudden Death: Just Get Through Today

The moment you find that somebody you love may have died suddenly, your whole brain function is completely screwed. You are in a state of shock and confusion, and you won’t know where to begin or what to do. That was certainly what it was like for me when Darren died.

If you find someone unresponsive and think they may have died, call 999 immediately. The operator will tell you what to do and may guide you through trying to resuscitate them.

Need the Checklist Now?

You shouldn’t have to wade through lots of information to find it. Use the quick links below to download the checklist now.

In Northern Ireland, when a death is sudden or unexpected, the police will also be informed and the death will be reported to the Coroner. The police arrange for the person’s body to be moved on the Coroner’s behalf. The Coroner then decides whether any further investigation, including a post-mortem examination, is needed. (You don’t need to organise this part yourself. This is based on my experience in Northern Ireland. The procedures may be different elsewhere).

You Don’t Need to Sort Everything on Day One

The biggest thing I would say about the first day is that you just have to get through the day. This is the worst day of your life, and all you need to do is somehow get through it.

There will be an awful lot of things starting to go around your head, but there are also a lot of things you need to put out of your head. Just concentrate on what needs to be done now. That could simply mean being with the people you love.

There is no point worrying about banks, pensions, subscriptions, household accounts or most of the other administration on Day One. Unless someone specifically tells you that something is urgent, it can wait.

You already have enough to worry about.

Just Be Together

Looking back, I think that’s one of the things I would say to somebody on Day One. Just be with the people you love who are going through this with you. Your children, brother, sister, close family or best friend. Whoever those people are.

You don’t necessarily have to do anything. Just be together. You don’t realise it, but you are simply trying to get through.

Meanwhile, the Dog Still Needs Walked

While all of this enormous stuff is happening, normal life hasn’t received the memo. You still have to eat. You still have to drink. If you have children, they’re still there and going through this too. If you have pets, they still need fed and walked. Feed the pets. Ask a friend to walk the dog if you need to.

Hour by hour. Minute by minute. Your whole world has been thrown upside down, and nothing makes any sense anymore. Just get through today.

Download the What Can Other People Do for Me? Worksheet

Print the worksheet to help you, a friend or someone you care about get through that first awful day.

What Happens After Day One?

If you are beginning to think about the next few days, my First Week After Someone Dies guide separates the things that may need attention from all the things that can wait. → The First Week After Someone Dies

If you aren’t sure which guide you need, return to the main starting page and choose the section that sounds closest to where you are now. → What to Do When Someone Dies in Northern Ireland