We are All Born Mad. Some Remain So.

Daniel is going on a school trip to London to see different theatre shows in the New Year, and I thought, my goodness, I might go too. Not stuck beside him like some mad clingy parent, but if he was over in London going to theatre shows, I could maybe go over as well, do my own thing and see some shows, and maybe if there was a show he was going to, I could get ticket and meet him during the interval. A passing through hello, fancy seeing you here kind of meeting.

There are a few shows I really, really want to see. I want to see The Phantom of the Opera, The Book of Mormon and Hamilton. I’ve been wanting to see them for quite a number of years and just haven’t had the opportunity.

I’ve actually been dying to get to the West End since the 1980s, from the moment I discovered that I loved English literature. The idea of going to the Globe Theatre and just being in an area swarming with theatres and things like that really excites me. It’s the kind of thing I talked about doing a lot but never got round to.

And Darren and I talked about going. The three of us get over to the West End, basically blitz the shows. We had booked to go in 2020, to see Michael Ball in Hairspray. I was so excited, but then Covid hit and sadly we didn’t get the chance to see it.

So I thought I must start having a look and see how things are. I did that preliminary search you always do when you’re thinking about going somewhere. I looked to see what hotels were available in London, and obviously I know they’re going to be expensive, but what the hell? It would be a treat.

I’ve always wanted to get over to the Covent Garden and West End side of London. I was looking at the hotels and thinking, treat yourself, Noreen. Make sure you find one with a pool or a spa so that in the evening, or whenever, you can have a relaxing swim and enjoy the break.

Then I was thinking about all the things I could do. I could go to all the art galleries I haven’t had the chance to see. I could go to the Tate Modern and spend a morning in it, then go back to the hotel, have a rest or something to eat, go to the theatre and then go back to sleep. The next morning, I could get up, go somewhere else, have something to eat, go to another show and then go back to bed.

It sounded so idyllic. It sounded so fucking idyllic.

And then it hit me.

I’m on my own.

I would be going to each show and doing everything on my own. I would have no one to talk to, no one to laugh with, no one to point things out to or discuss what I had seen with. It would just be me and my mind.

It would be me without Darren.

As much as I love the idea of going away, I don’t think I could do that. Travelling on my own, going to the airport and getting on the plane would probably keep me motivated. I would be focused on getting over there, so I might not really notice it at first.

But then I would end up sitting on a bed in a hotel in London and realise that it was just me in the room on my own. I know I would get upset and think to myself, why the fuck did I do this?

I know that sounds negative and self-defeating, but at the same time, I know that would be the reality.

I’ll shelve that idea for now. I’ll do it one day, but I don’t think that day is as close as a couple of months away.